Recapturing Common Sense A submissive's best protection is her gut instinct.   by lunaKM

(Don't try this at home!)

Waking up the fantasies we've only held close to our hearts and seeing that they can actually be realized can be an overwhelming and often exciting experience. Oftentimes we embrace the newness of our explorations and the people we encounter as completely honest, safe and reliable. Behind the fog of the terms, and promises, sexual excitement and pleasure, our common sense gets bogged down.

All novice submissives have a moment when a lapse in judgement can happen. No one is impervious to the lures of desire and dark needs. When offered a chance to experiment or explore our newfound desires, we overlook that most important instinct - our gut instinct.

What is common sense?

Common sense is paying attention to the obvious and listening to what an average sampling of people would do. We develop this sense as a teen when we push against authority, experiment with new things, and sometimes get into more trouble than it was worth. Our common sense develops out of these self-taught lessons: maturing and changing as we grow up; refining our instincts; and being fed by our morals, friendships, and partnerships.

The younger you are, the less common sense you have because of lack of experimentation; it has nothing to do with physical age. Maturity comes upon us at different stages in life, and so a woman of 17 who is very active in life could be more mature and have a better sense of instinctual common sense than someone of 22 who has lived a more reserved life.

Frenzy Fog

The immaturity we may have can also amplify the lack of knowledge of this newfound pleasure in submission. We can crave a chance to be submissive - perhaps to try spanking or other play - so badly that it stirs us into a frenzy. It's all we think about, talk about, and strive for. So when someone, anyone, steps into our view and says they can play with us, we jump at the chance.

The problem with that is the frenzy you are feeling has submerged your gut instinct. Your rational mind is probably trying to scream at you that you shouldn't play with strangers and not to dive in feet first. But do you listen to it? No, the frenzy just makes everything sound so perfect and wonderful. Why wouldn't it be okay to taste that desire just this once? What you would perceive as dangerous when you are thinking rationally becomes perfectly normal when your desires obsess your mind.

I encourage all of you to take a step back and really think about something before you try it the first time. If the person who has come forward waits for you to realize that it's safe and comfortable for you, that's a good thing too. This is also recommended in established relationships where something brand new has been brought up; think about it before you do it. Let that hunger subside a bit and see if the activity/person/event is worth waiting for. Once you know, you have just listened to your gut.

A Pinch of Salt

The Internet is full of information. A novice submissive can get lost in all the different opinions and must-do's and should-have's. There is good information and poor information. Many personal sites share only one side of things: the author's side. It's hard to find information that is backed by studies, references or surveys. To that end, take everything you read with a grain of salt. Don't take it as common knowledge or worth believing until you've read the same thing in several different places.

A danger zone for all novice submissives is the online forums. Anywhere that people can get together and discuss things related to submission will have a lot of information, but much of it is one-sided, generally censored and still reliant on personal experience and opinion. While it is possible to get a few good open-minded comments, I wouldn't rely on forums for much more than camaraderie.

Predators and Fakes

Predators have always existed, but since the Internet has become a popular social environment, these predators have found a safe haven to hide and stalk their prey. They prey upon the inexperienced and those not listening to their gut. They love to give you a sense of security and play with your emotions. Frenzy does not get lost on them. Predators want you to feel that you have to have an experience with them so badly you'd be willing to ignore the fact that you don't know their name or where they are from.

Fakes are similar to predators in that they may not be the person they present themselves to be, though their intent is not malicious. Fakes pretend to be someone else for a variety of reasons. Some want to get you in bed because you might be kinky and adventurous and their life just isn't. Others want to feel important or special and so they create an online persona that doesn't represent who they are at all in real life. The danger of these types is that they seem to give out advice just as much as they like, pretending that they have many years of real experience. Advice or edge play from someone who is fake can be dangerous. Always get more than one point of view on anything you know nothing about.

When you encounter a predator or fake person and your guard is down, you could end up regretting what you've done, or get hurt, or worse. You just never know. When someone sounds too good to be true or pushes you too fast, back way and regroup. Never take someone at his word that you don't know that well. Listen to your inner voice that usually tells you when you recognize a creep or bully.

Relationship Security

Even in a relationship, we need to employ our common sense. Other than the dangers of abuse, which you can read about on other sites all over the Internet, your common sense can help you with emotional needs and relationship security.

When was the last time you looked at your partner and just had to hug them? Something called you to do it. Perhaps you knew they had been having a hard time at things lately and that bit of human contact could do a lot of good for them at that time. Trust your gut. You don't need to analyze why your gut tells you to do things or feel certain things about your partner, but do listen to it.

Listen - even if what it's saying is foreboding. Not all relationships are safe and secure all the time. You can learn the warning signs when a relationship needs maintenance or something more drastic.